Yikes! Nile recently received word that one of our satisfied customers is saving up to buy a new stripey shirt for her boyfriend, who tragically lost his to a rascally raccoon who ate it off their laundry line.

Now, oh constipated masked bandit on the loose, I ask of you: Is this the thanks you have to offer a sweet, energy-conscious citizen of this fine city? Look, we all struggle with positive body image issues, but a life of crime never solved low self-esteem. I’m certain you were born with all the stripes you’ll ever need.

Procyon lotor evilus

Procyon lotor evilus

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