The average size of an automobile, afternoon tea (of course), hats not for warmth, that for them “fanny pack” is really crude while “bum bag” is a reasonable term for a fanny pack, serving an honest pint when a pint is ordered, Sister Wendy, British Vogue, telephone booths, red bicycles (apparently), The Tate Modern, coordinating the tartan on your doggie turtleneck to the one on your umbrella, rhubarb yogurt from the corner market, Mimi bags, wax fabric from Petticoat Lane—each one, a dignified reason for wanting to visit England over and over. And now I find this pair, Guy Hills and Kristy McDougall:

guy and kirsty

Who for their outfits and raw spools of thread alone warrant a heady dose of jet lag. And then my travel fever troubles are infinitely compounded by their finished product, this insane Dashing Tweeds cape that is day and night whispering sweet airfare nothings into my ear from across the pond.

cape- day

You see, not only does it look amazing in the daytime when paired with crimson lips that match your tights that match your bici rims….

cape- night

This mama glows at night! That’s right—the cape is made of breathable, Teflon treated tweed that is woven with reflective thread. That is to say, “A unique weave of wool worsted and reflective yarn, LumatwillsTM appear by day only in their smart combination of colours. By night, under illumination, hidden reflective lines shine out, offering an inventive and stylish solution to attire for the pedestrian, cyclist or scooter rider.” Oh snap. Beats a sporty windbreaker any way you look at it. (As does colours! Such an improved spelling!)

the new waveAnd if they’re offering bespoke capes, which they are, don’t mind if I do. With a price tag that reads at least ?485, I better get exactly what I require. I’ll go in for the cycling cape in the Bauhaus-inspired New Wave tweed, with a bit of lavender and plum running through. Yes, sir, such a wee swingy, water resistant, reflective only at night situation would suit me just fine.

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